I go to bed early tonight because I am exhausted. Primarily from taking care of newborn puppies but also from drama.
I try to lead my life with as little drama as possible. Which means I am very discriminating when it comes to friends, who I allow in my life, and all that extra goodness. I guard myself carefully and though I do, I have a wide network of people I call friends, which can even include someone I meet and say hi to.
That doesn't mean I trust them completely.
I rarely trust anyone completely.
Just the life I've lived, I have learned hard lessons.
Nobody can be trusted 100% and the moment you do, you've handed your life over to them.
You just can't do that.
I won't do that.
However, I give a large amount of trust to anyone and everyone I meet... until they prove untrustworthy. It may get me hurt a lot but I just don't live my life that way. I refuse to. Otherwise life has won and I've become hard. When it's so much funner being bubbly!!
I may cut people a break once or twice for mistakes, but otherwise when you've broken my trust, you're done.
It always makes me wonder, just who can we trust?
You know the media will lie to you for ratings, as any TV program. You know your family and friends will if they think what they say may hurt you. Strangers are usually ones to tell you the truth as they aren't emotionally invested in the outcome, but then the can't properly advise you if they don't really know you for some things anyway.
So who should you trust?
I've ended a friendship with someone I never thought I would because they talked behind my back. One of the few things I just don't tolerate. Especially not when it boils down to them feeling inferior to everyone and they're just trying to "fit in." They are not a child. Everything we do has a repurcution.
Our actions always have consequences. And we are responsible for them. We must live with them.
You don't talk behind my back. You come to me. We discuss. You don't spread things about people that have nothing o do with you, and that your sister trusted you with either. You just don't do those things.
But I should've known better
Like Robyn's song: I should've fuckin' known.
I am not as sad as I thought I'd be. (Yes, I figured this day would come.) Maybe because I just "knew." A part of me knew it wasn't meant to be. Our friendship had obviously died long ago, I just kept hoping it would hold on longer. Which was why I had told them my feelings for them sooner than I usually ever did with people. Now I know, and understand, why I did that. Before I never would've and before I couldn't figure out WHY I felt I had to do so.
It was a chapter that I needed to close...
and I did.
Should've just jumped that ship long before!
But we live and learn.
And keep learning... and learning...
Hugs and kisses and more to come!
Til next time!!